Shame is one of our most powerful emotions. It’s in some cases far more addictive than any drug we can take, sometimes infact it is our drug. The judgment we put on ourselves from my experience is one hundred fold what others put on us. What do we do with all of this shame then?
For me what has been the most helpful is understanding and internalizing that trauma bears its own fruit if it's not healed properly. Trauma very often is cyclical in nature, something happens it effects you, you shove it down, and it manifests in destructive patterns like a demon trying to get out. And just continues to create more trauma and more chaos.
It's in these destructive patterns and the initial trauma where the shame lies. We are ashamed we let this awful thing happen weather it was our fault or not. And we are ashamed of the unconscious patterns that create more chaos and trauma for ourselves.
The key to grappling with the shame of our “sins” is simply understanding that we are but people who were hurt and we didn't know how to deal with that hurt, and from there we just were doing the best we could to deal with the pain. It was our best thinking we could muster at the time.
There are so many things that make us, us. So many events, institutions, environments, people, places, and things. All of these things come together and give us an illusion of who we are, but that illusion isn't real. For a lot of us who we are, what we do, how we act and react to everything is based in the unconscious narratives we play day in and day out.
It's in recognizing these things, and where they come from that we can get to a place of compassion for ourselves.
This is but a small key of understanding that opens the big door to self-forgiveness.
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